C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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