I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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