Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
