If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
