You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
