Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
