I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
