I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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