this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
