so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize