did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
