I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
