its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
