i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
