We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
