So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
