im drinking this country out of the recession.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize