What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the day after is always just damage control
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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