How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
