I saw his package. It spoke to me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
two words: eviction party
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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