"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am midnight drunk by noon
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
