Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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