You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
