mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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