I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
