paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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