wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As shirtless as possible
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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