Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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