He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
