There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
