as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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