i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize