That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
