I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
