and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
