Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
