I got chris browned last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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