Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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