You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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