Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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