We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
