you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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