She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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