She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
