i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
