I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FUCK WHALES
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