I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
