How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
