someone owes me an orgasm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
