i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
