i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
