I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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