come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
