PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
