I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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