...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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