why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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