Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
