dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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