i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
