i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
