Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
