I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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