At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
