my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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