then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
