Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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